We first met Tony last month at a pond in Florida. See, my homeboy Greg and I were vacationing for the winter and were looking for new friends to chill with while we were there. Normally me and Greg wouldn't hang out with a guy like Tony, but he was different from other turtles, he had a special charm about him. He could always make us laugh, "Hey Garett check this out," he'd say before showing me some ridiculous dance move. Sure he was annoying as hell sometimes, but that Tony sure knew how to party. We spent every night with that guy having the most fun.
But the more time we spent with Tony the more annoying he got. By the time it came for me and Greg to head back up to New Jersey, Tony begged and pleaded to come home with us, he was looking for a change anyway. We hesitated at first, because the warmer months are a busy season for me and Greg, we couldn't have Tony hanging around distracting us from our work. Eventually though we caved and told him "sure you can come home with us, Tony. But once we start heading that way we can't party anymore me and Greg have to work." Tony agreed and assured us we wouldn't let us down.
Me and Greg loaded onto our motorcycles, Tony holding onto Greg's back, and headed north. We made a stop in South Carolina and hot a hotel room to sleep for the night. Tony looked through the tourist brochures, found a dance club nearby, and begged us to go. "Tell you what dude, you can go and dance, but you have to be ready to go at 7am, or we're leaving without you." And off Tony went, walking down the road to dance the night away.
When me and Greg woke up the next day, Tony was nowhere to be found. There was a text on my phone saying "Got breakfast with new friends, I'll be there at 7:00 I promise. So, me and Greg waited. 7:15 rolled around and we hadn't heard from him so we decided to just go without him.
If Tony had just stopped partying so much, he could have gotten that fresh start he always wanted.
Author's Note: This is my more light hearted version of The Turtle and The Geese. I really liked the original story, but I think the ending was a little bit harsh. I think there is a lesson to be learned by this story, so I wrote it in a way that teaches that lesson clearly.
Source: Jataka's "The Turtle and the Geese" (linked above)
Linsey!!! Hey!!
ReplyDeleteI love the message behind your version of the story! It made me laugh because I know a couple of Tonys . I think the changes you made to the story were creative and interesting. I never would have thought of them.
One thing I noticed was that the species of the boys is a bit unclear. At first, they sound like turtles (pond, and "wh was different from other turtles"), but then they sound like men (since they ride some motorcycles). It leads to some interesting pictures in my head. Like turtles riding tiny motorcycles or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles running around haha.
Either way, I love your story and I can't wait to read more!!
Hi Linsey,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job with this story!
My big wow moment was the way you introduced the dancing king. At first, it seemed like you were describing some college frat kids, but then you said turtle and I was like O.o I liked it though.
I think my sense of wonderment mainly came from the world these characters lived in. From the first paragraph I was like okay surprise it’s a turtle and that’s why they were visiting a pond. However, I got a little confused later on when they were on motorcycles and went to hotels. I like the stylistic choices, and I think this story makes the moral more relatable because we all have had a Tony in our lives. Maybe it would help me a little bit if somewhere in the beginning you explained maybe by example how this world works. What if you talked about a turtle or another animal that was at the pond but also had a day job, drank coffee, or complained of morning traffic so that I could better understand the degree of their anthropomorphization?