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Raymond was the new boy at Westmont High School. He and his brother Luke had moved to Westmont with their father, who had a new job in the town. After they boys' first day, they wandered the halls aimlessly, surveying the terrain and getting a general feel for the school. They wanted to get a feel for the student body, though they had moved schools many times, the boys had never lived in Texas and wondered how different the people would be. The boys, being excellent soccer players, obviously wanted to check out the athletics department, so outside they went to the High School's massive sports complex. While there, they found both the boy's and girl's soccer teams engaging in practice. Coach Robinson, having met Raymond earlier that day as his history teacher, invited Raymond and his brother to put on jerseys and join the team for practice.
After a long and tough scrimmage with their new team the boys headed to the locker room to shower off, when out of the corner of Raymond's eye, he noticed the prettiest girl he had ever seen.
Sienna Brinkley was the most popular girl at Westmont, so obviously the attractive new boy was in her sights. However, Sienna's parents are very religious and always told her she was not allowed to date while in school. Sienna and Raymond started spending time together after soccer practices, often grabbing dinner and watching movies with friends.
Prom season was coming up and Raymond wanted to ask Sienna as his date so badly, and Sienna wanted the same. Sienna reluctantly decided to ask her mom permission to date Raymond and to her surprise, her mother agrees! Sienna was so excited! However, Raymond was nervous, knowing that he was now under pressure to give Sienna the best promposal anyone had ever seen.
Authors Note: This weeks story is my version of Rama and Sita's meeting story. I decided to rewrite it in the form of a young adult novel, as this is potentially my storybook theme. I changed the names of the characters as well as the settings in order to modernize the story.
Raymond was the new boy at Westmont High School. He and his brother Luke had moved to Westmont with their father, who had a new job in the town. After they boys' first day, they wandered the halls aimlessly, surveying the terrain and getting a general feel for the school. They wanted to get a feel for the student body, though they had moved schools many times, the boys had never lived in Texas and wondered how different the people would be. The boys, being excellent soccer players, obviously wanted to check out the athletics department, so outside they went to the High School's massive sports complex. While there, they found both the boy's and girl's soccer teams engaging in practice. Coach Robinson, having met Raymond earlier that day as his history teacher, invited Raymond and his brother to put on jerseys and join the team for practice.
After a long and tough scrimmage with their new team the boys headed to the locker room to shower off, when out of the corner of Raymond's eye, he noticed the prettiest girl he had ever seen.
Sienna Brinkley was the most popular girl at Westmont, so obviously the attractive new boy was in her sights. However, Sienna's parents are very religious and always told her she was not allowed to date while in school. Sienna and Raymond started spending time together after soccer practices, often grabbing dinner and watching movies with friends.
Prom season was coming up and Raymond wanted to ask Sienna as his date so badly, and Sienna wanted the same. Sienna reluctantly decided to ask her mom permission to date Raymond and to her surprise, her mother agrees! Sienna was so excited! However, Raymond was nervous, knowing that he was now under pressure to give Sienna the best promposal anyone had ever seen.
Authors Note: This weeks story is my version of Rama and Sita's meeting story. I decided to rewrite it in the form of a young adult novel, as this is potentially my storybook theme. I changed the names of the characters as well as the settings in order to modernize the story.
The field where Raymond and Sienna met
Source: Istvan on Flickr
Hi Linsey! The part of the story which stuck out to me the most was when you were detailing the boys' walking around the school after classes were out. That seemed very realistic and spot on to how most people were around my high school, and it makes even more sense because they were getting a layout for the school grounds. I wondered about Luke's purpose in the story. He wasn't mentioned very much besides as Raymond's brother, though I can see how this was necessary as he was a metaphor for Lakshmana. The whole metaphor was pretty accurate though, with the brothers in a new territory, getting a feel for the place while the main boy locks eyes with the popular girl. I thought there maybe could be more detail when describing the nature of the relationship between Raymond and Siena; was it love at first sight? What if you focused on that specific meeting between the leading guy and girl? I think it would have been very intriguing to hear about the details of the two fateful lovers while at high school. Overall I love the modern twist you put on this classic story! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteYes Linsey! Yes! I am an absolute sucker for a good YA romance novel, and I support your storybook theme 110%. I was also a soccer player myself in high school, so bonus points for that. I appreciated the nod to the original story by keeping the same initials when you changed the characters names. Unlike what iWantAmang0 (nice handle) said, my high school was very strict about students wandering the halls alone after the final bell rang. Perhaps Raymond's history teacher/soccer coach could catch them in the halls and then offer to let them practice? That seems more realistic to me, but maybe Texas schools are different. I'm assuming you would know more than I would, so I 'll trust your judgement either way. This set up actually reads kind of similar to Footloose. Was this intentional? If not, I would definitely recommend watching the movie. Maybe you could use it as some inspiration for where to take this story next? In Footloose, Ariel already has a boy she's talking too when Ren moves to town. Maybe that role could be Ravana's? Now I'm just trying to write my own story, sorry :) Anyways, this was a fantastic beginning and you've already got me hooked. I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Linsey! I really enjoyed your story inspired by Rama and Sita. I think making them high schoolers was really fitting. The whole story seemed very realistic and reminded me a bit of prom season when I was in high school. It seemed like promposals were so important and everyone tried to top each other. This story would be interesting to continue as a storybook theme too!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the genre of your story being romantic as I really have not seen anything done like that in this class yet! I like the originality and how you played it into your way of writing, as they both went very well together. The metaphors you used to fuel your story really helped, as it kept me wondering what the future of Siena and Raymond could hold; I also liked the touch of the image visualizing the setting of the story more.
ReplyDeleteLinsey! Like the others said, I love how you've taken this in a different direction than the other stories I've seen in this class. I'd like to see where the inspiration to take it in this direction came from. Do you/ did you used to read a lot of young adult novels that got you wanting to write one? Could it be a fiction take on a personal story or friend's story? It could be neither of those and you just felt like doing it, and that's awesome! I'm sure you could even take the story of these two lovebirds and apply it to Rama and Sita's later stories too. Now reading the Ramayana in young adult format... that could be fun. Anyways, this was a refreshing story to read that had me feeling very happy at the end and I'm glad I chose to read your story. Looking forward to reading more of yours throughout the semester!
ReplyDeleteLinsey,
ReplyDeleteThis comment is meant as feedback on your story.
I quickly caught on to what you were trying to do. I liked that the names that you used were modern but recognizable as the iconic characters of the Ramayana. I especially liked that you gave Raymond a brother who seems to follow him around. I can't think of any modern name that is more comparable to Lakshmana!
That said, why did you choose to have Raymond ask Sienna's mother for permission to go to prom? I can't remember any mention of Sita's mother in the Ramayana. My reading of the original work made me feel that understanding the inherent patriarchy of the era/culture was important to understanding the story- you may be trying to modernize the story with a more equal balance of power between the sexes. That's entirely reasonable, and I don't want to prevent you from doing that. I was simply curious.
Now I want to give you a suggestion- finish the story! I felt that you ended the story abruptly. Now I'm left wondering what happens next!
Hi Linsey,
ReplyDeleteI'm just stopping by to enjoy your stories! This is a fun one. I love the YA theme you are going with, this feels like a good intro and kind of reminds me of the start of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, (the movie/book). I think the main character see's her love on the soccer field! Anyway, I think this would be interesting if it followed Sienna's day more closely! What happened when she asked her mom? I think that could be a funny moment. I also hope you write the promposal. I feel like the new kid would have a lot to prove!