Seeing Peter in his success filled Dylan with rage and jealousy. He so badly wanted to defeat him in something, just one thing, but he knew violence would not be the course of action- he had to think of something better. Being in Las Vegas for their mutual friend's bachelor party, he knew that a game of poker would be the best way to beat him.
Dylan reached out to Sam, who was the smartest guy he knew. He explained his feelings about Peter and told him that he needed his help in order to defeat him. Sam listened and agreed that Dylan's feelings were valid. He advised Dylan to invite peter to a game of poker and explained that he would play the game, and that he had a great ability to count cards in a game.
Dylan returned to their hotel suite and explained to Peter that Sam would like to play a game of poker with the entire party and gave a date and location to show up. Peter was conflicted because he did not know how to feel about the game, but he agreed to come along anyway.
Later that night, the groom's party gathered on the casino floor to witness the game. Sam sat at the table, ready to cheat and his opponents sat before him.
As the games went on, the men kept betting, and Sam continued to win every game. The bets started small, but got higher and higher. After a number of games, Peter had bet away almost his entire life savings. He had nothing left to bet, but his pride got the best of him and he told himself that he could not back out now.
Once the games were played, and Sam had won every one of them Dylan was ready to shout with Joy. He had seen Peter defeated and he finally had a little power over him.
This image titled "poker" comes from Viri G. on Flickr
Authors note:
I did this story based on The Gambling Match. I tried to modernize it and put it in a setting that would be familiar to readers today. However, the more I wrote it, the more I disliked it. I am experiencing some writers block, so I don't know what to do to make it a little better. I was hoping that readers may have some ideas on how to change the story (slightly or completely scrapped and restarted). Please feel free to drop any suggestions and feedback you may have! I am very open to help at this point! :)
Hey Linsey! I like the setting and idea of your story, so I would for sure keep working with that. You have a real talent for creativity/ideas, your stories always feel so original. I think the story just needs to be a little bit longer and have more detail/drama. It doesn't have much other than thoughts/narrative. Maybe if you spend more time on the poker match and describe some tension/heated looks and yelling it would make the story more fun and impactful. Hope all is well and I can't wait to see that TAT.
ReplyDeleteHi Linsey! I think you have a really nice base for this story! I agree with Grayce on just adding more detail and tension into the story. I would love to know why Dylan hates Peter. If you added flashbacks of that explanation or just explained it in beginning that would be awesome. Also, maybe it is just my lighting, but the black text on the navy blue background is a bit hard to read. I suggest lightning up the blue or using white text for your story! Overall, awesome job and great style!
ReplyDeleteLinsey, that feeling of writer's block will go away, I promise! One of the things you could think about in any future stories could be how the characters got to how they feel now. Maybe explaining why Dylan was so jealous of Peter. By creating a connection to your character's feelings, you may be able to write out how they feel a little better. With all the complicated stories in the Mahabharata, it's always refreshing to see modern takes on the stories from it.
ReplyDeleteHello Linsey,
ReplyDeleteI liked your story! I thought placing it in a modern setting like Las Vegas was a fun and effective idea. The bachelor party lends itself to the gambling scenes very well. I think you're criticizing yourself too much here! Add detail, infuse suspense, raise the stakes and make it personal for each character, and you'll be golden. Overall you did well!
Hey Linsey!
ReplyDeleteI think you story started off great! You have an interesting idea that I think you could play with a lot and the original story is pretty funny and interesting too, so you could do a lot with this story. I think something that could make your story better is if you provide a better explanation of why Dylan doesn't like Peter so much. Maybe give them an interesting backstory, such as Dylan stealing the love of Peter's life. I think that could make your story come to life more! Also, your text is in black, which is hard to read against the dark background. Maybe try changing the text to white to make it easier to read!
Hey Linsey! I loved how you took the original story and modernized it. This makes it a lot more relatable and easier for the reader to become engaged in the story. Las Vegas is a fun place that I want to visit so that really brought me into this story. The humor that you brought into this story is great and does a great job of connecting it to the original story. Great job and keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete